Pein and Deidaras Little Game
by TRIGGER M00NSHIELD
Summary: "But I can already disguise myself, un." Pein doesnt believe Deidara. So they play a little game. T for Hidans language
1. Chapter 1

Credit to **mad-hatter-0495** for sending me the idea that inspired this story.  
I should probably just make you producer.  
So enjoy this latest randomness :D

* * *

Pein cleared his throat.  
The noise in the room instantly ceased, Sir Leader wasn't in the best of moods today and it showed.  
His normally perfectly gelled spiked hair hung limp around his face, his ringed eyes looked a shade darker, his shirt was ruffled and he had forgotten to put in his lip and nose piercings.  
All evidence of a bad nights sleep.

The result was a slightly-but-not-really intimidating look.  
But it was the _fact_ that he didn't look his usual intimidating self that had the Akatsuki on edge.  
None of the group dared interrupt him today.  
They were further skittish because all 6 of Peins bodies stood around the room cracking their knuckles and fidgeting with various forms of weaponry.  
Even Itachi looked pensive.

"We have received news from our various spies and informants that the Konoha and Suna shinobi have changed their tactics when it comes to infiltration missions.  
Their new techniques are fairly simple but very effective and involve the use of henge jutsu's.  
Now, normally that wouldn't bother me, but upon reviewing everyones skills, strengths and weaknesses, I have noted that some of you-" Sir Leader sent Hidan a meaningful look "-cant even create basic clones."

Several looks were passed between the group, most of them directed towards the grumpy Jashinist.

Clearing his throat again, Pein continued,

"To counteract this weakness, I am ordering you all to attend a special class I will be teaching to polish up on our infiltration techniques. Zetsu and Konan you are exempt from this."

Murmurs of agreement, disagreement and interest followed Peins sudden announcement.  
Deidara raised his hand cautiously,

"I can already create clones, un."

Pein narrowed his eyes and swept his gaze over the explosive blonde.  
True, most of the Akatsuki could create clones, Deidara being one of them, but it was henging the clones (and themselves) into different forms that was the trouble.  
Pein sighed at the thought of a potential argument with the blonde.  
He had only just bribed Konan to take Tobi away from the base for a few days.  
He didnt want to deal with Deidara too.  
Suddenly Pein smirked as an idea popped into his head, he could make this interesting _and_ avert a crisis.  
Finally coming to a conclusion, he nodded,

"Okay Deidara. You are to go into the nearby village and try to blend in as much as possible while altering your appearance. If I can't find you in half an hour, you too will be exempt from my lessons. I'll give you an hour to get prepared."

Deidara nodded and hurriedly rushed out of the room to get ready.  
Itachi followed his movements with carefully hidden amusement.  
He knew the blonde couldn't henge properly, if at all.  
Kisame noticed a tiny twitch of Itachi's lips and grinned.  
That was a sure-fire Uchiha-approved sign that this afternoon would be interesting.

* * *

As the hour came to an end, Pein uncrossed his legs, stretched and stiffly moved out of the chair he had been sharpening his kunai in.  
Dodging his way through rubbish and clutter he made a mental note to make his other 5 bodies clean up the room.  
It was difficult enough living in the cramped attic space with 5 other people (even if they were himself) without having them drop their clothes all over the floor and have weapons haphazardly strewn and tangled in the material.

Pein glanced back towards his own bed, decorated with a mess of clothing and kunai and with a sigh, realized he was a hypocrite.  
Growling at this new fact, he kicked the lever that dropped the ladder to the floor below.  
When he jumped down from the trapdoor, he was met by the rest of the Akatsuki standing and waiting for him.  
He raised an eyebrow – a simple gesture that translated to: "What the f #k are you doing here?"  
Sasori was the one to step forward with a carefully rehearsed argument.

"We decided that we would come with you to watc-"

"No."

"But I-"

"No."

"It would help us learn…?"

The room was met with a tense silence that only the sinister leader of the Akatsuki could generate as he thought the statement over.

"….Fine."

Of course, Sasori didn't mention the various bets that had been placed amongst the group being the real reason for their interest in the game.

Sasori was just sneaky like that.

* * *

By the time he had entered the village with the rest of his evil minions, Pein had come to the conclusion that to be successful in finding Deidara, he must first search for a long-haired blonde.  
Deidara couldn't henge to save his life and he treasured his beautiful golden hair far too much to cut or dye it.  
Pein gave a rare smile – which turned out to be more of a smirk – and the Deidara hunt began.

* * *

"I put 20 on Pein catching Deidara in the first ten minutes!"

"Seriously? I put 30 on Pein fucking catching him in the first _five _minutes!"

Kakuzu sat happily taking the money and writing out the bets while the rest of the Akatsuki rambled and argued about Deidaras henging weaknesses and Peins seek-and-destroy skills.  
Everyone's favorite miser had taken down bets from everyone except Sasori and Itachi, the former with his finger to his chin thinking thoughtfully, the latter in the same position he had been since they sat down.

"Well I am Deidaras partner and I have a tiny bit, though not much, more faith in him than the rest of you…  
I bet 40 gold coins that Pein catches him in under 15 minutes."

Hidan sniggered, clearly, Sasori was doomed.  
The group turned to Itachi, who blinked at them.  
The silence was tense as they waited for him to speak.  
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at red eyed prodigy, silently willing him to make a bet.  
Kisame just shook his head, seeing that this was going nowhere and asked oh so gently, so as not to spook the Uchiha,

"So Itachi… What are you betting?"

Itachi was silent for a few seconds before pulling out his money bag and gazing into it thoughtfully.  
After a few seconds contemplation, he threw the entire bag to Kakuzu and stated monotonously,

"I bet 150 gold coins that Pein doesn't find Deidara."

His statement was met with laughter and high fives. Kakuzu beamed at the thought of winning so much money.  
As the Akatsuki treasurer, he had of course figured out the odds and chances of winning before placing his own bet.

Hidan smirked triumphantly.  
Clearly Itachi's Sharingan had deteriorated his brain cells as well as his eye sight.

Kisame and Sasori however, looked at the Uchiha thoughtfully.

Sasori couldn't help but wonder on Itachi's reasoning.  
There was no WAY his partner could last that long.  
But Itachi wasn't stupid either.

Kisame sighed and dropped his head in his hand, silently wishing he had placed his bet after Itachi.  
There wasn't a chance that his partner would place a bet that high unless he was 100% positive on the outcome.

* * *

After 15 minutes it became painfully clear that Deidara was far better at this than Pein would have guessed.  
With half of his time already spent, he had dispersed several of his own clones to help with the search.  
He had checked every male blonde that he could find in the village and was seriously considering the possibility that Deidara HAD done something to his trademark hairstyle.

A light bulb went off in Peins head as it occurred to him that perhaps Deidara was wearing a hat.  
And so every villager wearing a hat was irritated to no end to find a pierced punk pulling off their source of shade and running off like the perfect trickster.

* * *

The rest of the Akatsuki sat in line on a branch in a large conifer over-looking the village and generally discussed the bets they had placed on Deidaras appearance and how long it would take Pein to find him.  
From their spot hidden in the leaves, the Akatsuki could clearly see Pein and his clones darting around anxiously trying to find the bratty blonde.  
Itachi wore a faint smile as he gazed over the village and it only occurred to Sasori after the day was over and the game had come to an end, that the red eyed Uchiha could see Deidara with his Sharingan the whole time.

"Aww fuck Kakuzu, since when can you not change your mind half way through a bet?"

An audible growl temporarily distracted Sasori from his own visual search for the enigmatic blonde.  
Glancing around Kisame and Itachi, he had a clear view of Kakuzu grasping his cloak in desperate attempts to calm down and subtly snapping off small branches.  
It was obvious that no matter how much Hidan protested, Kakuzu wasn't letting him weasel himself out of this one.

"Since gambling was invented, _Hidan_."

The silver haired priest scratched the back of his neck and pouted.

"Shit… That just doesn't sound right. You made that rule up didn't you, you greedy fucking arsehole?"

A flash of black and blonde caught Sasori's attention and he turned his gaze back to the crowd.  
Two Peins were giving chase to a blonde in an Akatsuki robe and as the rest of the group perked up and noticed, the blonde stopped and turned to face their leader.  
Sasori caught a glimpse of a triumphant grin before the explosion.

* * *

"God freaking dammit, he is fast…" Pein growled to his other body who nodded in response.  
They were inches away from the boy when he abruptly stopped and turned to face them.  
A manic grin flashed across his face as his eyes widened and he cried out "HENGING IS A BANG!"  
Both Peins managed to jump to the side in time to escape the explosion.  
They growled in frustration as they wiped off dust and shot the villagers a mixture of reassuring glances and death glares (depending on which Pein you focused on)

"Another clay clone…"

"I never expected him to use copies to distract us from the real one."

The main Pein arrived seconds after the explosion and nodded to his other halves.  
He too had been stuck following copies and dodging explosions.  
Glimpsing at his timer he was horrified to discover that only 3 minutes remained before Deidara would win the game.  
Glancing around wildly, all three Peins shot off in a desperate attempt to find the real Deidara before their time ran out.  
Sir Leader hated to be proved wrong.

* * *

Deidara walked happily through the village.  
His long blonde hair swayed as he walked and he grinned at passers-by in a cheery manner he usually didn't have towards simple villagers.  
He made the effort to put the extra swing in his hips and thought to himself, _who the hell ever thought blondes were stupid, un?_  
Eyes curved upwards in a happy smile that would rival Kakashi Hatake's, he glanced at his watch and noted in delight that he only had thirty seconds until he officially won the right to skip Peins classes.

Speaking of Pein, Deidaras gaze sneakily followed the orange haired man darting through the crowd.  
Feeling rather bold, Deidara made sure to bump into his leader and pretend to fall to the ground from the impact.  
In his hurry to find him, Pein barely gave Deidara a second glance as he tore through the crowded streets and away from his target.  
An old woman and two men grasped Deidaras fore-arms and gently helped him to his feet.

"What a rude man to knock you down like that."

"Are you okay, miss?"

"Tsk look at that, he tore part of your pretty dress."

Smirking slightly, Deidara politely refused the ride home the two men offered and allowed the woman to reapply his make-up.  
He smoothed out his polka dot dress, righted his heels and straightened the two braids in his hair, one of which had fallen out upon impact with his boss.  
Lifting his wrist to his face, Deidaras eyes lit up in glee as the clock ticked down to zero.

* * *

On the other side of the village, all six Peins tore out their hair in frustration.  
None of the Akatsuki, had even caught a glimpse of Deidara.  
They all turned to Itachi irritably as if it were his fault.  
The Uchiha wore his trade mark smirk as he stared back at them.

"Uchiha's don't lose bets."

* * *

**I have had a few people ask me to write an epilogue or second chapter to this...**  
**It has been decided that if I get 10 reviews I shall!**  
**Just cause...**


	2. The epilogue you all wanted

Well here is the epilogue you guys wanted.  
I dunno if it lives up to your expectations but I gave it a go :D  
Enjoy!

Deidara grinned.  
Pein glared.  
The Akatsuki looked on in amusement as the whole organization stood gathered around in the lounge room.  
Sir Leader opened his mouth and looked like he was going to say something.  
A raised eyebrow came from Deidara and he shut it again with a scowl.  
Deidara had beaten him.  
Whether he liked to admit it or not, the blonde had beaten him in the game.  
Everyone was standing around waiting for the widely feared leader of the Akatsuki to admit he was wrong.  
But like all leaders and heads of organizations of mass destruction, Pein wasn't having any of it.  
With a smug grin he replied,

"Technically, you didn't henge-"

"No fair Leader sama! I beat you fair and square, un!."

The rest of the Akatsuki glanced back and forth between the two.  
This was better and way more intense than the famous western style standoffs Pein and Konan had every time they disagreed…Which was often.  
Sasori grinned and decided to interject,

"You didn't say henge, Pein. You said 'disguise' yourself"

Pein sent a glare in Sasoris direction but the puppet master just smirked back at him.  
The oh so powerful Leader of the Akatsuki knew that he would never live this down.  
Deidara was already being hailed as "The Master of Invisibility" due to his 'skills'.

"Fine… You are also exempt from the lessons… You brat. But don't expect to get off easy…"

Deidara grinned.  
He was free to do as he pleased during those stupid lessons that were bound to drag on for a very long time.  
Despite this, Pein was going to be out for revenge for quite a while from now on…  
He would have to watch his back.

Sighing and rubbing his forehead, Pein looked back and forth between the remaining Akatsuki members in his 'class'  
Left with him stood Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame and Tobi.

"I gave Deidara an hour to prepare for his 'attempt'. You shall all receive the same. Go off and get dressed… I know you are all just going to dress as girls anyway…"

The remaining criminals in the class giggled and ran off into Itachis room because for some reason (possibly plotconvieniance), the Uchiha had womens clothes…  
Go figure.

An hour later, Pein came out of his attic and stood before the scantily clad 'woman' that were posing provocatively in front of him.  
Growling in annoyance, he stalked away.

Itachi, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan and Kisame stood casually in front of him, grins covering their painted faces.

Kakuzu had 'made' a dress out of his threads that bulged around his 'breasts' and hips while he removed his mask and hitai-ate.  
He didn't look so much like a woman as a ball of thread… The makeup helped though.  
Despite his hate for the stuff, he had grudgingly put it on to cover the scars around his mouth after Hidan started asking him, "Why so serious?"

Sasori had replaced his wig with a long haired blonde one (supposedly created in the likeness of Deidara) and wore a wooden dress that clanked and thunked as he walked.  
He didn't seem to care much about his doll like appearance despite the 'barbie' comments.

Kisame had gotten a very dark spray tan but had refused to wear a dress.  
The result was a brown shark man…  
Very convincing.

Tobi was wearing a different mask which actually did a lot to change his overall appearance as it clashed shockingly with his rainbow jacket.

Itachi, who actually DID know how to henge just turned himself into a woman who resembled Sasuke with breasts…  
Duck butt hair and all…

While Pein sat in his office continuously thudding his head against his desk, Deidara sat on the lounge room couch cackling in glee as an oblivious Zetsu got a lap dance from Tobi.

BTW, I have nothing against anything I make fun of…  
I just make fun of it because in certain situations itsconvenient…  
Hence I have nothing against:  
Cross dressers,  
Frogs,  
Diaries,  
Senbons,  
Tobi (most of the time)  
Orochimaru (some of the time)  
Sasuke (Not as much of the time)  
Rhinoceroses',  
Gay/lesbians,  
Any and all holidays,  
Postmen,  
Christmas carolers,  
Trick or treaters,  
Aquariums,  
The Village Hidden in the Clouds (Despite how far away itmay be)  
Kisame and Deidara (despite how much I torture them)  
Konan (Despite her never making appearances' in my stories (it will change (omg bracketception)))  
Ramen,  
Foxes,  
Dangos,  
Siblings, (Actually I take that back, my sister is annoying the hell out of me… FOOLISH LITTLE SISTER!)  
Bad spellers,  
Hi fives,  
Religion  
Art (in all its forms)  
Pein, Jashin, God, etc  
Duct tape,  
Lollypops, alcohol and money, (Although usually I don't have any of these)  
Letters,  
Pen pals,  
Birthdays  
Teenage mutant ninja turtles and/or sharks.  
Murder plots, (or not…)  
Fish,  
Puppets,  
Profanities.  
Heart attacks,  
Bounty hunters.

Actually… The only thing I really have a problem with isMaito Gai…  
He scares the fuck out of me.  
And kudos to anyone who actually got through that list.  
I reward you with internet cookies.  
And chai tea for mysteriousbutterfly!


End file.
